For the real conversation

Deep questions for couples

A hundred and fifty questions for the conversations you keep meaning to have, sorted from gentle to deepest so you can start where the night actually is. Draw one, both answer, and let the follow up questions do the rest. Any card can be passed.

150 questions
Gentle · Deeper · Deepest
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Gentle

What’s a small thing that reliably makes your day better, even in a bad week?

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Tap the heart on any card to keep it here. Saved on this device only, never sent anywhere.

Tip: the left and right arrow keys move through the deck.

How to use this deck

Start gentle

Leave only Gentle switched on for the first few cards. Warm up before you go deep, the same way you would stretch before a run.
Both of you answer

Draw a card, read it aloud, and each answer it. Whoever drew goes second, so nobody feels put on the spot.
Follow the thread

The best part is usually the second question. Try “what was that like?” or “say more” before you draw again.
Save the ones that land

Tap the heart on cards worth coming back to. Saves stay on this device, and you can send your picks to your partner as a link.

Tips for a good round

Phones down, except the one holding the deck.
Three good cards beat thirty rushed ones. Stop while it still feels good.
Either of you can pass any card, no reason needed.
Listen to understand, not to fix. When your partner shares something hard, thank them before you respond.
Save the Deepest level for a night with no early alarm.

All 150 deep questions for couples

Every question in the deck, grouped by level. Read them as a list, or use the deck above to draw them one at a time.

Gentle 50 questions

Easy openers about who you are now, comfortable to answer on any weeknight.

What’s a small thing that reliably makes your day better, even in a bad week?
When do you feel most like yourself, and what are you usually doing?
Which small win from this month deserves more credit than it got?
Who in your family are you most like, and does that please you?
What’s something you’ve started enjoying only in the last couple of years?
What did home smell like when you were a kid?
Which friend has known you the longest, and what do they know that I don’t?
Describe a really good ordinary day for you right now, start to finish.
Which skill are you secretly proud of that almost nobody notices?
When you need to recharge, what actually works, and what only looks like it works?
Which family saying or phrase still pops into your head?
What have you changed your mind about since we met?
What’s a place you used to go all the time that you haven’t been back to?
How do you like to be looked after when you’re sick?
Where is a place that feels like it belongs to you, even if you’ve only been there once?
What’s a small way I could make your mornings easier?
What were you like at fifteen, honestly?
Which book, song, or film changed how you see something?
When was the last time you felt really proud of yourself?
Who outside our families has been quietly good to you over the years?
Which part of your week do you look forward to most, and why?
What did weekends look like in your house growing up?
Which friend do you feel most yourself around, and why?
What’s one part of your days you wish I asked about more?
Which moment from this past year would you frame and hang on the wall?
What helps most when you’re disappointed, and what quietly makes it worse?
What are you looking forward to that you haven’t told anyone about yet?
What’s the kindest thing a stranger has ever done for you?
Tell me about a small risk you took that paid off.
Which part of your personality took you the longest to accept?
Which adult did you look up to as a kid, and do you still?
What’s a small kindness you try to do for people without them noticing?
When do you feel most at peace when we’re together?
What would a perfect Sunday morning say about who you are?
What do you want more of in your life right now, and what would you trade for it?
Which lesson did you learn the hard way that you’re glad you learned?
What do you miss about the place you grew up?
What question do you wish people asked you more often?
Which hobby from when you were younger would you love to pick back up?
What do you do just for you, that nobody else really sees?
Who was the first friend you made as an adult, and how did it happen?
Which ordinary moment with me do you find yourself thinking about later?
What do you want your friends to feel after an evening with you?
If this chapter of your life had a title, what would it be?
Who in your life can always make you laugh, even on a bad day?
What are you still curious about after all these years?
What would your younger self be most surprised by in your life now?
What would you like to get better at this year, just for the joy of it?
Which of your quirks do you hope never changes?
Which memory of us makes you smile out of nowhere?

Deeper 50 questions

Family, fears, and how the two of you love and fight. Best with time and a quiet room.

What did you learn about love from watching the couples around you growing up?
How did your family handle conflict, and which parts of that do you still carry?
When do you feel most loved by me, and when do you feel furthest away?
What do you need from me that you find hard to ask for?
After we argue, what helps you come back to me fastest?
What fear about us have you never said out loud?
Which feeling do you find hardest to show, and where do you think that started?
Which part of your past are you still making peace with?
How do you know, in the moment, that you trust someone?
How have I surprised you since we got together?
What do you think I still misunderstand about you?
What have you forgiven me for that I might not even know about?
When I hurt your feelings, what do you tend to do instead of telling me?
Tell me about a moment you felt really seen by me.
What kind of apology actually lands for you?
Which expectation did you bring into this relationship that turned out to be wrong?
What do you protect most fiercely in your life, and why that?
What does success mean to you now, and how has that changed?
What was the hardest part of growing up in your family that you rarely mention?
What do you wish you’d been told more often as a kid?
When do you feel most like you have to hold it all together?
Which part of yourself do you keep back at first with new people?
What promise to yourself are you still keeping?
What do you think we’re best at as a couple, and where do we struggle most?
How do you want us to handle it when one of us is having a hard season?
Which dream have you put on hold, and what would it take to pick it back up?
What do you need to hear from me when you doubt yourself?
What about your family have you never fully explained to me?
Where do you feel the most pressure in your life right now?
Which of your beliefs came from your family, and which did you find on your own?
What’s the hardest thing about being loved, for you?
When have you felt most proud of how we handled something together?
Which pattern from your past have you worked hard to break?
What do you bring to us that you don’t get enough credit for?
What does a peaceful home feel like to you, and how close are we to it?
What do you regret not saying to someone when you had the chance?
Which emotion did your family treat as off limits?
How can you tell you’re about to shut down, and what helps in that moment?
What would you like us to fight about less, and talk about more?
Which version of your past self do you feel tender toward now?
What do you want me to understand about how you handle stress?
Who do you compare yourself to, and how does it leave you feeling?
What does it take for you to feel safe enough to be completely silly with me?
What have you outgrown that you once thought defined you?
When did you last feel truly understood, by anyone at all?
Which of your reactions surprises you most when you’re tired or stressed?
Which part of our story do you think we each tell differently, and why?
How do you want to be supported when you fail at something that matters?
What do you secretly worry people think of you?
Which of our values did we build together, rather than bring with us?

Deepest 50 questions

Vulnerable questions, some about mortality and legacy. Go slowly, and pass anything you are not ready for.

Which fear do you carry that you rarely let yourself think about?
Which version of your life almost happened, and do you ever think about it?
What would you want to say to the people who raised you, if you haven’t already?
If you knew you had one year left, what would you stop doing tomorrow?
Which belief has cost you the most to keep?
Which part of you do you think is hardest to love?
What do you hope our love teaches the people who see it up close?
What would you want me to know if you could never tell me anything again?
Which grief do you still carry, big or small?
When have you felt most afraid of losing me?
What do you think you’re here to do?
What have you never forgiven yourself for, and would you like to?
What does growing old with someone mean to you?
What would you like to be remembered for, beyond your work?
What’s a fear you faced for someone else’s sake?
When do you feel closest to whatever you believe is bigger than you?
Which truth about yourself did you only recently admit?
What would make you feel your life was well lived?
If we could redo one hard moment between us, which would you pick, and what would you change?
What would you need from me if one of us got seriously sick someday?
Which loss shaped you the most, and how does it show up now?
What do you hope I never stop noticing about you?
What from your childhood are you still trying to give yourself now?
When have you felt loved with no conditions at all?
What would feel too risky to tell me, and what would make it easier to say?
What does a good goodbye look like to you?
What do you hope you never stop doing, however old you get?
How has loving me changed the way you see yourself?
What do you think happens after we die, and how does that shape how you live?
What do you wish someone had told you about love before you met me?
What do you want to pass on to the next generation, whoever they turn out to be for you?
What do you most want to heal in yourself?
When did you last cry, and what was underneath it?
What would you say to the version of you on the worst night you can remember?
What do you think we owe each other, really?
What is love asking of you right now that feels hard?
Which silence in your family do you wish someone had broken?
How would you want to be cared for at the end of your life?
What do you want to make sure you tell me while we have time?
What does forgiveness actually feel like for you, when it finally comes?
If our relationship had a purpose beyond the two of us, what would you want it to be?
What are you still waiting for permission to do?
Which fear would you most like to stop making your choices for you?
Which kindness have you received that you’re still trying to pass on?
When have you felt most alive, and how could we make more room for that?
What would you want us to remember on the days we’re not getting along?
Which part of your story have you never told anyone in full?
Which of your strengths are you most afraid of losing as you age?
Where do you still feel like a kid waiting to be picked?
What do you want to say to me right now that you usually save for later?

Frequently asked questions

What are good deep questions to ask your partner?

The good ones are specific and open: they ask for a story, not a yes or no. “What did you learn about love from watching the couples around you growing up?” will take you further than “Are you happy?” This deck has 150 of them, sorted from gentle to deepest, so you can match the question to the night you are actually having.

How many deep questions should we do in one sitting?

Fewer than you think. Three to five cards, really answered, is a full evening. If one question opens something up, stay there; the rest of the deck will keep.

What if a question brings up something painful?

Slow down and let whoever shared it set the pace. You do not need to fix anything; listening and saying thank you is often enough. Any card can be skipped, and if a topic keeps coming back heavier than the two of you can hold, reaching out for outside support is a strong move, not a failure.

Are these questions okay for a new relationship?

Gentle works from the first few dates. Deeper suits couples who have been together a while, and Deepest is best once you trust each other with hard things. Switch the levels on and off to fit where you are.

Is this free, and is anything saved?

It is free, with no account and nothing to install. Cards you heart are saved in this browser on this device only, and nothing you draw or save is sent anywhere.

Can we play on two phones?

Yes. Send the deck to your partner with the share link, or heart a few cards and send your saved picks, which opens the same deck filtered to just those questions. On one phone, pass the phone mode hands it back and forth for you.