Your Attachment Map
A one page guide to attachment theory in adult relationships
Attachment is not four boxes you belong to. It is a point on two sliding scales, anxiety and avoidance, and that point can move from one relationship to the next.
Preoccupied
craves closeness, fears losing it
Fearful
wants closeness and distrusts it
Secure
at ease with closeness and with space
Dismissing
comfortable alone, wary of leaning
Plot yourself in
five minutes
- Rate your anxiety, 0 to 10. How much do you worry about a partner pulling away, or need reassurance that things are okay?
- Rate your avoidance, 0 to 10. How much do you keep a little distance, downplay your needs, or feel uneasy depending on someone?
- Mark the point where the two numbers meet. That point, not a label, is you right now.
- Now plot two past relationships, or a good week versus a hard one. The way the point moves is the whole lesson.
The label is a neighbourhood, not an address, and definitely not a personality.
Three things this map is not
Not fixed
A steady, responsive relationship can move you toward security. The system updates on new evidence.
Not deterministic
Your position describes a tendency, a rough probability, never a script for any single moment.
Not a horoscope
A label is not an excuse or an identity. Patterns are worth naming because they can change.